Cast Away

Cast Away was on TNT last night and I watched the last third of the movie. I was telling my wife that if that were to happen to me [stranded on a deserted island by myself], I would never last. Between the myriad of vermins and lack of anything civilized, I would probably last about a week. Tom Hanks' character, Chuck Nolan, lasted 4 years on this island. And as I watched this movie, I realize one of the themes is about loss and letting go.

During Chuck's four years on the island, he befriends a Wilson volleyball from one of the many FedEx packages that washes on shore after the plane crashes in the ocean. After getting cut from trying to start a fire, he picks up the ball and hurls it. He realizes the bloody handprint on the ball resembles a face. And from there, out of his loneliness, he starts to have a friendship with Wilson He converses, argues, and has a relationship with this inanimate object because he is desperate for relationship. The sense of time, which is so crucial to Chuck's life before as a FedEx employee, evaporates as he hsd nothing but time now. He has no choice but lose that part of his life and embrace surviving and holding on to the one thing that will keep his hopes alive: The thought of returning and being with his love, Kelly. After four years, Chuck builds a raft and leaves the island, finally feeling he has the courage and strength to try to get rescued. In his torturous journey with his raft in the middle of the Pacific, Wilson, falls from the post it is perched up on and drifts off into the horizon. Chuck desperately tries to "save him", but ultimately has to choose the raft over rescuing his friend. As he lies on his raft, he is sobbing, saying the name "Wilson", over and over again. Apologizing for not saving him. When he finally gets rescued, he finds Kelly married with a child. She tells him everyone told her he was dead and to let him go.

No one lives a life free of pain and loss. We have all lost - close relatives or friends, a favorite heirloom or item and it hurts, evenif we try to be self protective and not let down our guard. Chuck loses two relationships that were vital for his survival, Wilson and Kelly. Wilson is the relationship that keeps him sane through his loneliness and Kelly is the hope he needs to leave the island to try and go back to her. This movie reminded me we all need relationships and a hope to live. With all due respect to Paul Simon, no one is an island and the rock can feel pain. The pain that Chuck feels is one of loneliness and fear. He is both alone and lonely. The fear that he will die as such. But the hope that carries him off is Kelly. She is the hope he needs to get off the island. And when he returns, he has to lose her all over again because she had to move on.

The sense of loss is overwhelming, especially when we are in the midst of the pain. We are not in control. We want to relieve the pain as quickly as possible and we will do whatever it takes to take control of it again. In the moment of loss, I know that it is scary and it is painful, but I think that's what God wants me to see in this movie, that there is hope. But His hope is not going to disappoint me like Kelly disappointed Chuck. His hope is filled with goodness and strength, but it has to be on His terms. I choose hope out of despair, but I normally want it my way. Because it's convenient for me. Because I am in control. But in letting go of that control, God catches me and doesn't let go, even though it's scary. If I can get off the throne and let Him be the King as is rightly His to take, I can finally invite Jesus to relieve the pain that only He can relieve. In letting go, I am submitting my own disturbed way of living to something better, to a hope that never fades. At the end of Cast Away, Chuck finds freedom in delivering the only FedEx package he did not open. And finally, he is able to let go of Kelly and sees life as opportunistic again. And that's the hope that I want to find in Jesus, who never fails and who never lets go. But I have to learn to do that in His timing and give up control - submitting to His plans and His ways. It is so difficult, because fear is a great de-motivator. But God is about hope and life and freedom. And even in a movie like Cast Away, I can learn to see the possibility of letting go and embracing a sense of loss. The loss of relationships. The loss of kingship. Submitting to a new King and living a life of freedom and grace.

There Will Be Blood

We watched the movie "There Will Be Blood" this weekend. I watched to see Daniel Day Lewis' Oscar performance and I have to say, I'm confused. I thought the acting was tremendous. Daniel Day Lewis fully immersed himself to be a man whose character, Daniel Plainview, is anything but in plain view.

The story is simple enough. Plainview is an oil man who leases land in California to drill and ends up in an agreement with Union Oil to build an oil line to the Pacific Ocean. But in the middle, I was caught up with Plainview's character. A man who seeming is driven by greed and shuns people as a way to be isolated from love and community. We never see Plainview speak of love or women, just associates who come in and out of his life. The one person he does love is his son, H.W., who he adopts after one of his workers die in a drilling accident. But after a freak accident in which H.W. loses his hearing, Plainview cannot reconcile the love he has for his little boy to a frustrating and often hurting soul that cannot heal his impairment. His nemesis in the movie are not other business associates, but a young man who claims to be a church healer, a person whose hubris in being the minister of the church leads him and Plainview to be at odds over who runs the town. Is it the healer, who's congregation is blinded by his over zealous messages of faith healing, who the people turn to? Or is it the oil man who is giving them money as he makes millions off as he dries up their fields of natural resources?

I can't decide if I really like this movie or if I just like it. The story ends abruptly [I won't give it away here] and we were left with going to the computer to see what it was about. I told the wife the part of me that's having a hard time reconciling with this movie is the idea of redemption is missing for me. Normally, a story has a character who goes through a redemptive process that makes us want to relate to him/her. Here, I just couldn't relate to Plainview. Or, I didn't want to.

For those who've seen it, give me your thoughts. It'll help me sort through some questions I have about the movie.

Valjean

I have been thinking about identity recently.  I know history tells us names of individuals has significance, like when my wife reminded me that Leah named her first born with Jacob as Ruben, meaning he has seen my misery.  A testament to her status as Jacob's less favored wife. The identity that God reveals to Moses as Yahweh, or I Am.   He revealed Himself and dwelt in the temple Solomon built in 2 Chronicles.  

This idea of identity was enforced when I recently listened to the music from Les Miserable'.  The protagonist, Jean Valjean, goes through different identities in the story to stave off Javert, the self-righteous police inspector who will do anything to catch Valjean.  The beginning of the musical has a very intense and strong interaction between Valjean and Javert.  Valjean had been imprisoned in jail because he stole a loaf of bread from a baker so his sister and her child wouldn't starve to death.  He was then imprisoned for another 14 years because he tried to escape.  In the prison, he was merely known by a number, prisoner 24601.  For 19 years, that was his identity.  And when he was finally up for parole, Javert calls him by his prison identity:

[Javert]

Five years for what you did

The rest because you tried to run

Yes, 24601

[Valjean]

My name is Jean Valjean

[Javert]

And I'm Javert

Do not forget my name!

Do not forget me, 24601

The insistence on calling Valjean 24601 is something that clearly offends Valjean.  He has a name.  And his name is not 24601.  The identity that we all find in our names becomes a birth right.  We feel entitled to be called by our given name.  When someone mispronounces my name, I feel compelled to correct them, to make sure they know when they talk to me, the correct identity is addressed.  

So when I think about my identity in Christ, it's tough to see what that looks like.  It's difficult to know what my identity is in Jesus.  Don't I have my own identity?  Wouldn't Jesus want me to have my own identity, separate from Tom, Dick, and Harry?  The answers seem academic.  "Well, we are to live our lives for Christ and thus, we place His identity as our own."  But soon I realize that that's not what I am confused about nor am I questioning.  What has made me think so deeply about identity is that God created me to be who I am.  And He accepts and loves me for who I am.  And who I am is different than anyone else, so what is this identity?  I can't say I have truly heard God say, "Your identity is..."  The wife and I had a good conversation last night about purpose.  The purpose God gave each of us.  What is my purpose?  Or more deeply, what is my identity?

In the story, Valjean becomes a respectable citizen after he leaves prison, and takes on another identity, that of Father Mandeleine.  When Javert senses that Father Mandeleine is actually Valjean, he moves in to arrest him, but the police tells Javert they have found the real Valjean [in actuality, it's another person they think is Valjean].  What will Valjean do?  Will he allow an innocent man to be condemned or will he face the truth and reveal himself to be the real Valjean?

[Valjean]

Who am I?

Can I condemn this man to slavery?

Pretend I do not see his agony?

This innocent who bears my face

Who goes to judgment in my place

Who am I?

Can I conceal myself forevermore?

Pretend I'm not the man I was before?

And must my name until I die

Be no more than an alibi

Who am I?

How can I face my fellowmen?

How can I face myself again?

My soul belongs to God, I know

I made that bargain long ago

He gave me hope when hope was gone

He gave me strength to journey on

Who am I?  Who am I?

I'm Jean Valjean

And so Javert you see it's true

This man bears no more guilt than you

Who am I?

24601!

Valjean does the right thing by handing himself over to Javert.  His identity isn't, truly, 24601, but it's Jean Valjean, the man who's "soul belongs to God".  The identity is not Father Mandeleine.  It's not even 24601.  But it's the man who's identity God created.  A man of justice.  A man of truth.

To align with God's identity for me is a difficult journey.  There are seasons in my life where I am Father Mandeleine, the citizen of the year award who takes in prostitutes like Fantine and cares for her daughter Cossett.  The are seasons when I'm the law breaker, the one who justifies stealing a loaf of bread to feed the hungry.  But God's identity for me does not change.  It is the same yesterday, as it is today, as it will be tomorrow.  I can try to be different people - people whose identity I feel I need to be.  But God's identity for me is not Father Mandeleine or 24601.  It's an identity that is true to my soul.  Party of this identity is to be worshipful.  To worship the one who has not creator.  To worship the one who desires and deserves my worship.  That alone invades the inner core being - to worship Him with an integrated life of work and personal lives.  There is no recipe, there is not thunderous voice from heaven.  But there is the Holy Spirit who intervenes and intercedes for me and I do it in my gut.  But another question arises.  Am I willing to be who God created me?  Or am I too comfortable being another person?  It is a good question.  Who am I?  Who am I?  This journey continues with questions and seemingly few answers.  But I belief the Holy Spirit is at work and it will help with that burning flame in my stomach to come alive at the right time.

Who's the King?

Today's message at Rock Harbor was one of the best on worship.  It affirmed what I've learned [academically], but it also spoke to my heart.  Over the last year, I've been torn down over and over again by God on worship.  What was my theology on it and how do I practice it?  It's safe to say that before I went down this journey, I always viewed worship as a secondary thought to theological heavy weights such as love, advocacy, relational wholeness, and service.  The Holy Spirit has really guided me to believe and understand that these issues are are not separate from worshiping Him.

The whole idea of worship sounds all too familiar - some Matt Redman and Tim Hughes songs before and after service and voila!  Worship set.  Throw in a good prayer here and there and it's good bread that surrounds the meat [message] of Sunday service.  And with lo-carb diets in fad, worship is really just fluff, unneeded in the world of the theologically sound.  That's obviously an extreme and not too many followers truly believe that, but there is some truth to that view.  But God is looking for worshipers:

Woman, believe me, the hour is coming when you will worship your Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem.  You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews.  But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father seeks such as these to worship Him.  God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.  John 4:21-24

This passage blew any preconceived notion for me on worship.  It had a context now.  God seeks worshipers who will worship Him in spirit and truth.  Todd Proctor, lead pastor at RH, gave a great example today of worship.  He likened it to a U2 concert, where people are there waiting in anticipation of the group.  And when they come on stage, the arena is electric.  Fans go wild and figuratively, they begin their worship.  The band hasn't played a note.  Bono has not sung a word.  And yet, U2's presence is felt.  So large that people scream and yell.  Isn't it sad then, that many today go to worship service with the attitude of "prove it to me again God?"  Or, put the mood music on so I can really worship.  God is not seeking those kinds of worshipers.  The anticipation to come before God, to feel His presence, doesn't make us scream or shout.  It makes us come and want to dump our problems on to Him.  And although He is the healer and He wants that from us, we have placed worship for people like Bono, because let's face it, Bono is really cool.  Bono challenges the way we live.  And Bono is, well, Bono.

So the question bares itself in who we prostrate ourselves in worship to?  Many times, the King who is expectant of our worship receives our troubles, our self doubts, and our wants and desires.  That's all good, but then, He is no longer our King.  The King is inevitably, ourselves.  It is what is going on for us that matters.  It is what we need that matters.  It is no longer about God and the mere presence of Him that makes us fall face down in wonder and awe.  His presence only gives us permission to tell Him how important we are.  It's tough for us to look beyond ourselves because the enemy has made it hard to focus on anything else.  The fall of Adam was all about us [as people] and how we can be God.

God not only deserves our worship, He seeks it.  He doesn't need it as He so poignantly describes in Isaiah 50.  He doesn't need our worship, but He delights in it.  He was meant to be Israel's one and only King, but we rejected that idea.  We saw other nations having Kings and we felt that for us to be a nation, we too had to have a monarch rule over us.  Revelations gave us an idea of what worship ought to be like:

Day and night, they never stop saying: "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come."  Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor, and thanks to Him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever, the twenty four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne, and worship him for ever, and ever.  They lay their crowns before the throne and say: "You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory, honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being."  Revelations 4:9-11

He is our King, who sits on the throne who is worshiped for ever, and ever.  He is worthy.  We must get off the throne and allow God to sit on the throne, His rightful place in our lives.

Rock N Rolla

Rock N Rolla is one of those movies that will first make you say out loud, "What's going on?" to "Wait, I thought he was with them...oh, he wasn't with them, he was with them."  We liked the movie.  It was one of the better movies we've seen recently.  Of course, we had a couple of bad runs: Eagle Eye and Burn After Reading.  

Rock N Rolla has that caper kind of movie feel, but with some really good acting - especially by Tom Wilkinson.  And we thought it was a typical Guy Ritchie movie where the story is so broad in the beginning, you can't seem to find any connects.  Then as the story unfolds, you realize things start to all tie together.  The funniest scene - and I can't give it away - comes as the credits are rolling.  It's a scene between One Two [Gerard Butler] and Handsome Bob [Tom Hardy].  I knew my wife liked it because through most of the movie, she was engaged and had a smile on her face.

So go watch the movie!  It's a good one and I don't think you'll be disappointed.

Rock N Rolla Trailer here.

Heroes - In or Out?

So this season's Heroes hasn't really thrilled me.  This past week's episode was probably the best one, but there are so many inane moments for this season, I was going to cut it loose.  Note if you haven't seen any of the episodes, there are some spoilers in the following paragraphs.**

• I keep thinking, how can Sylar, being the bad guy for 2 years all of a sudden become one of the good guys because he found out who his real mother is?
  
• Claire and Peter are both starting the annoy the crap out of me.  They're both turning into whiny, angry, spoiled kids.
• Ali Larter, the actress who plays Nikki from season 1 and 2, is on her THIRD character on the show.  Twins.  I swear my wife is right when she says that a movie/show can't be good as soon as they introduce twins.  And Auh-nuld's movie by the same name doesn't count.  That movie was actually good.
• Dr. Suresh is just another person who has super powers on a rampage.  What happened to the good natured doctor who tried to help people?
• Even Hiro and Ando are starting to be a little stale.  How many more episode can we hear Hiro say, "I'm going to save the world!"  Sit down, Hiro.
• Nathan went from saving the world [and Peter] to getting roped back in by his mother and the Linderman hallucinations.  Goodness.

So far, my comments have been pretty negative.  The show this week WAS pretty good so I am kind of on the fence again.  Did the last show redeem itself?  Should I keep watching it?  Should I cut this show loose?  Or should I stay on for another season?  The DVR is asking...

Plan A. Or Was that Plan B?

Understanding our created beings may not sound all that enticing and fun.  But for me, it really has been a great way to connect with God.  In reading and learning about worship, I found that there is much more than meets the eye.  Or in my case, there is much more than meets the heart.  I was talking to the wife about this a month or so ago and it really excited and saddened me at the same time.  God speaks to Moses:

You have seen what I did to the Egyptians, and how I bore you on eagles' wings and brought you to myself.  Not therefore, if you obey my voice and keep my covenant, you shall be my treasured possession out of all the peoples.  Indeed, the whole earth is mine, but you shall be for me a priestly kingdom and a holy nation.  These are the words you shall speak to the Israelites.  Exodus 19:4-6

When I first read that, I was excited.  That was the plan God wanted for us.  To be a "priestly kingdom and a holy nation".  In The Adventure of Worship, Gerrit Gustafson wrote that in Unger's Bible dictionary, it reads: "In precise terminology of the law, a priest [kohen] is one who may draw near to the divine presence."  And, in the New Testament, "there is a word that carries the same meaning: prroserchomai.  In Hebrews 10:1, it is translated as 'those who draw near to worship'."  And that's what God wanted for us.  To be a kingdom of people who drew near to worshiping the Lord.  He showed His grace of the Israelites by taking them out of captivity of Egypt and gave us an offer.  If we were to obey His voice and covenant, we would be His treasured possession out of all the people.  How exciting is that!  To be His treasured possessions. 

God told Moses to consecrate the people for two days and get them ready for Him.  By the third day, Moses was to set limits around the mountain because they were not to go up on it or touch the edge.  On the third day, God was to reveal Himself to the people of Israel [Exodus 19:9-15].  And come He did:

On the third day there was thunder and lightning as well as a thick cloud on the mountain, and a blast of trumpet so loud that all the people who were in the camp trembled. Exodus 19:16

God gave the people the 10 commandments on the third day.  But here is how the people of Israel responded to the thunder, lightning, and trumpets:

When the people witnessed the thunder and lightning, the sound of the trumpet, and the mountain smoking, they were afraid and trembled and stood at a distance, and said to Moses, 'You speak to us and we will listen, but do not let God speak to us or we will die.  Exodus 20:18-19

God wanted them to be priests, one who draws near for worship.  But now, they are afraid and wanted an intermediary between themselves and God.  I think one of the main things here is that because of their fear of the unknown [who God is], they wanted someone else to represent them.  They wanted Moses to be their "priest".  Moses responds to the people by telling them not to be fearful, God came to test them to put the fear of Him upon them so they would not sin.  Moses then drew near to God on his own to where God was.  The ordination that was suppose to happen between God and His people never took place.  They wanted Moses to go in place of them.  And God honored their decision - to not be part of His priestly kingdom.  So in Exodus 28, God assigns Aaron and his descendants to be the priests that will represent the people of Israel.  They shall be distinguished by their clothes and they alone will be called "priests".

So, we opted out of God's plan A.  And because God doesn't want people kicking and screaming into His plans for us, He created the priestly line.  It's sad that we would opt out of His plans out of fear, but so often I do that with God.  I don't trust that it will be OK if I follow His path, so I make my own.  And God shows that He honors my decision, but I will do that outside of the relationship with Him.  Plan A was an ordination and intimacy with God.  Place B was separation and having Aaron and his line be our path to God.  It wasn't until Jesus came that we no longer needed a priest - that we can come to God as our rightful and created role of "priests".  I am a priest.  And I draw near to God for worship.

Yoga Pain

The wife had a great idea of signing up for yoga a couple of months ago at the local senior center.  At the time, I thought, "It's going to be hard, but yoga is suppose to be good for me.  And how hard can it really be, if it's at the senior center?**"  After 4 sessions, I must admit, I bow down and wave the white flag.  I have never felt so much stretching pain in my life.  To be sure, I was never that flexible to begin with, so this is all new to my body.  I whine and cry every Monday night before we go like a little kid.  It's really pathetic.  It's by the grace of my loving wife that she doesn't physically kick me in the butt and drag me by my ear down to the senior center.

Last night was really tough.  Even the wife said so.  There was a point during the session when I thought my hamstring was going to snap.  And I just had to let go and get out of position to not sustain an injury.  Oh, it was sad.  I now know why there are only 3 men in the class of about 20 people.  We [men] can't handle the truth!  Even those of us who are there can't handle the truth.  The truth is cold, direct, and unforgiving.  I have to say that I cannot do any of the yoga moves as it was intended.  The downward dog is one of the positions that ought to be easy, but I have yet to get in the proper position.  And all the while, the instructor reminds us to breathe.  I want to yell, "I can't breathe because I'm crying!!!!"

We have another 4 weeks to go and my poor wife will have to endure another 4 weeks of whining, crying, and foot stomping.  Pray for her people.  It's too late for me.

** About half the class doesn't qualify to be seniors, but I bet they're not babies like me.

I'm Walkin', Down the Street...

I just read that crude oil per barrel today hit below $70 for the first time in 14 months. As Wall Street Journal writes:

The sharp drop in U.S. oil demand -- down in recent weeks by about 9% from a year ago -- shows how deep the economic malaise is across much of the industrialized world now. As the U.S. unemployment rate rises and retail sales and manufacturing orders slump, the world's largest consumer of oil needs less crude to move goods, fly passenger jets, and transport workers to the office.

About 2 months ago, I started to walk to work. Now, before everyone jumps on my case, I have to admit that I live about 1 mile from work. It takes me 20 minutes to walk one way. Why I didn't walk before, only my lazy butt can tell you that I was really lazy. But ever since the wife challenged me to walk at least 2-3 times a week, I must say I'm liking the 20 minutes of solitude I get with my iPod. It's still a little warm here in SoCal when I walk home and I enter the house all sticky, but it's worth it. My body likes it and so does my pocket book. I am not lying when I say I get gas about once every 2-3 weeks. And on top of health reasons, I wanted to go somewhat green. Since green is my favorite color, I want to just be even more green.

But here's the disturbing thing about all this talk about me walking and crude oil prices falling. WSJ writes:

Rattled by the swift price drop and evidence of plunging demand, members of the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries hastily agreed Thursday to meet next week in Vienna to weigh a production cut, in a bid to firm up prices. The cartel, supplier of nearly 40% of the world's oil, had planned to hold an emergency session in mid-November, but the plunge in prices has spread alarm among countries like Nigeria and Venezuela that have grown heavily dependent on rising crude revenues.

Now, to show you all how naive I am about running a business, I thought OPEC would cut production because the demand just isn't there as much as 14 months ago. I thought OPEC was actually a nice corporate citizen. No, the reason for them to cut oil prices is because they want to "firm up prices". And that the "plunge" in the price of the barrel has made countries like Nigeria and Venezuela shiver, because of their dependence on crude revenues. I know I'm sounding like a socialist, but I'm really not. I just don't understand the greed I guess. I mean, I am a greedy person. But the folks who run OPEC? They make Gordon Gekko look like Santa Claus.